Review: Fast Five

Fast Five
Release Date: April 29, 2011
Actors: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker
Genre: Action
Rating: PG-13
3/5 Robots: Because of the cheese!



When I went into this movie I expected that I was wasting my 5 dollar matinee ticket on pure gushy trash. What actually happened - I ended up wishing I purchased my chocolaty snack. Never again will I watch a movie without the sanctity of my M&M's and Reese's Cups. But enough about my horrible mistake, the movie itself was an adequate portrayal of trashy summer action blockbuster thrill rides. Yes, I just tried to pack in as many adjective as I could in that last sentence. Fast Five was a mixture of ocean's eleven with Italian Job and steroids. I mean, come one, Vin Deisal and the Rock are in it. It's like a competition between who roids up more. (And the winner would have to go to the Rock considering my sister audibly gasped "ewe" about seven times in the movie just from the buckets of sweat Dwayne Johnson produced from his head...needless to say - it was disgusting). What got me more than the sweating and muscle size was the hugging. I didn't expect so much hugging an a manly action movie, but I honestly swear that it felt like every non-high-octane scene was spent giving hugs. It was a bit bizarre. Overall though, for what Fast Five is (blockbuster action flick) I would give it three robots, mostly because it was way too long.

Takers - Why did Steven King rate this so well?!

Movie: Takers
Release Date: August 27, 2010
Actors: Chris Brown, Hayden Christensen 
Genre: Action
Rating: PG-13
0/5 Robots: WTF?!

While this isn't so much of a review, as an opinionated WTF moment! There are few movies I can't finish. Even though I may have been doing Physics homework while I was watching Takers. It does not excuse the melodramatic violin scene where Hayden Christianson dies. It was so awful I watched as cheese seeped out of the television screen. I may have been in the room during the entire movie, but I mentally checked out after halfway through. It was a disaster, which brings me to my next point. Is Steven King high? Recently on EW he claimed Takers was one of his favorite movies of the year. Again - WTF?! This movie doesn't even deserve to be pirated by using the precious bandwith (and when you're in college this is a very true statement). Steven King is not an unreliable source, but when it comes to film...I'm now having to question is taste. Still, this is the man that allowed us to have Stand By Me, which is one of the best films...ever...period. And for my last point - I recently bought a book (Infinite Jest) that Steven King rated his favorite book of the year. Please don't disappoint me again Mr. King. I may just have to cry.

Takers = 0 robots (and this is generous. If i could I would give it negative robots, but physics tells me this wouldn't be possible)

Review: The King's Speech

Movie: The King's Speech
Release Date: December 24, 2010
Actors: Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush
Genre: Bio-Pic
Rating: R
4/5 Robots: It's Colin Firth

I am a very huge fan of the Oscars and Awards seasons, so as the Academy Awards approach I have been going to see more and more of the nominated films. Tonight I saw The King's Speech, and I was pleasantly surprised. The film is about King George VI and his rise from stammering Prince to eloquent King, aided by a very peculiar man.


Movie Review:
Overall the Movie was quite satisfactory. It was a talkey movie more than anything, dealing with the characterizations of two men. I felt that it is a must see movie of the year, but with that said...I'm not quite sure I would see it again. Yes, the performances given (especially by Colin Firth) were Oscar worthy, but the overall movie did have some slow moments. For me, it wasn't a laugh out loud funny film, but the crowd seemed keen on the humor. Maybe I ate something bad, maybe some gnomes stole my funny bone, or maybe I just didn't think it that laughable. Whatever  the cause, the audience definitely was taking something that I wasn't on. When I left the theater  I knew that Colin Firth had stolen the show. I was convinced from the moment he opened his mouth that he was King George VI. And more than that, every time he tried to utter a word I felt his nerves, torment, and embarrassment cascading throughout my own body. His performance is a valid reason to go and see the movie. There are some slower parts to the film, and for this reason I wouldn't probably ever see it again. Overall, The King's Speech deserves a solid 4 robots on my scale, and by the clapping from the audience when the credits rolled, I would safely assume they too would rank it as such.

New Blog dedicated to FILM and BOOK reviews!

Hello aliens, cowboys, monsters, and humans!

My name is Krista and I have devoted my semi-awesome life to attempting at understanding the world we live in. While the journey has been littered with nonsense and the occasional gnome searching, I have found that film and books are the true route to a good healthy cupcake and sunshined filled life. While my tastes in both are subjective, I do love watching all different kinds of films. However, recreational readings seems to be a bit harder because of my pygmy sized attention span and the diabolical force to read books that I hate in college. So I am much more of a connoisseur in film and music than books, but I do enjoy YA novels of all sorts when I have free time. I hope you all (meaning the followers who have somehow landed on this blog in an attempt to search for bigger names written in big glass light bulbs that have the inability to burst...and yet decided that my name written in mechanical pencil is worth their time) ENJOY THE BLOG!