Review: Fast Five

Fast Five
Release Date: April 29, 2011
Actors: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker
Genre: Action
Rating: PG-13
3/5 Robots: Because of the cheese!

When I went into this movie I expected that I was wasting my 5 dollar matinee ticket on pure gushy trash. What actually happened - I ended up wishing I purchased my chocolaty snack. Never again will I watch a movie without the sanctity of my M&M's and Reese's Cups. But enough about my horrible mistake, the movie itself was an adequate portrayal of trashy summer action blockbuster thrill rides. Yes, I just tried to pack in as many adjective as I could in that last sentence. Fast Five was a mixture of ocean's eleven with Italian Job and steroids. I mean, come one, Vin Deisal and the Rock are in it. It's like a competition between who roids up more. (And the winner would have to go to the Rock considering my sister audibly gasped "ewe" about seven times in the movie just from the buckets of sweat Dwayne Johnson produced from his head...needless to say - it was disgusting). What got me more than the sweating and muscle size was the hugging. I didn't expect so much hugging an a manly action movie, but I honestly swear that it felt like every non-high-octane scene was spent giving hugs. It was a bit bizarre. Overall though, for what Fast Five is (blockbuster action flick) I would give it three robots, mostly because it was way too long.